“In the midst of winter, I found there was, within me, an invincible summer. And that makes me happy. For it says that no matter how hard the world pushes against me, within me, there’s something stronger — something better, pushing right back.” ~ Albert Camus
A friend gifted this quote to me yesterday. The words resonanted so deep I almost started crying. Life has been beaten, bruised and broken me. Yet, there is something in me that keeps gathering together to stand up. This time ’round instead of seeing the broken and bruised pieces of myself as weaknesses, I see them as beautiful war wounds like in the Japanese art of Kintsugi. You only get this kind of beauty, depth and scarring by engaging life.
Monday, I’m heading into another Crossfit box. A friend suggested his center. It sounds like a great community, and the classes look fun. Venturing into reclaiming fitness makes me nervous. As a survivor of sexual assault, the idea of a smaller, less powerful body, and more conventionally attractive is scary and feels quite vulnerable. I have to trust that no matter what I’ll be ok. I have so far. It hasn’t been easy, but I’ve come through rough, dark experiences. Life is slowly getting better. Along with trust, in the moments of fear and doubt, I must also remember that invincible summer that rages in me.