“I’ve given up. My face is in the butter.” ~Hugh Grant in Music and Lyrics
The above quote is one of my favorites from the movie, Music and Lyrics. In it, Hugh Grant’s character decides for once to do something for someone else by standing up for Drew Barrymore’s character. He gets into a fight in a restaurant. The result is his face gets pushed into butter. At which point, he stops fighting. (Making me laugh just writing about it.)
It’s in essence how I’m feeling. Reclaiming fitness, or precisely a life of empowerment, health and wellness, challenges me to do new things. I feel awkward and slow. I want life to be different RIGHT NOW, but the shift seems like turning an ocean liner. New behavior and thought processes bring up more questions.
My normal way of addressing change is with to think my way though. This period of my life is more along the path of taking action while letting life unfold. I don’t have to strong arm or effort my way into a new way of being. Being is all that is required. For a person like me, I don’t even know what that means, or how to do it, which I think is probably the point. I’m learning to combine action and reconnecting with my intuition/inner knowing. That comes about from surrender…or so I’ve been told. There’s no amount of strong arming that can make integration happen faster.
When I graduated from college, a professor, I still hold dear, gave me a copy of Rainer Maria Rilke’s book, Letters to a Young Poet. For today, I release the struggle for answers in order to live in the questions.
“…I would like to beg you dear Sir, as well as I can, to have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and to try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Don’t search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer.” ~ Rainer Maria Rilke, 1903
Today’s workout: 3 m run