“I don’t think I’d have been in such a hurry to reach adulthood if I’d known the whole thing was going to be ad-libbed.” ~ Bill Watterson
Usually whatever I write about pops into my head while I exercise, or am engaged in some activity. Today’s 4 mile run proved fruitless. A few things seemed like they could be worth my time. Eventually, they didn’t inspire me to write. Well, until, I was heading to bed at 11:45pm. That, my friends, is a problem, but now we have subject.
A picture of a shirt, which read “I’m sorry for what I said when I was hungry” made it’s way around Facebook several weeks ago. I added to it “and/or tired.” The carefully, precariously perched filter I use for the world is in jeopardy of slipping if I have anything less than 6 hours of sleep. Yes, I realize it’s no one else’s fault, but you try telling that to my inner Gollum. Rarely does she get loose, but it’s extra tiring talking her down when I’m doing my best to simply stay awake!
The reason I’m up so late is to prepare food for the week. With training comes eating well. At least for me, it does. I see no point in being active only to sabotage myself with food that doesn’t nourish me. I will have a treat, but it’s got to be gooooodddd. The meals I make for myself are delicious, but they’re not indulgent like my cheat meal or treat. Yesterday, despite the rain, I was running about town. Today, after my run, I did the same today, which left not much time for food prep. Generally, I like to have the 5 days prepped by bedtime, or at the very least 3 days. Tonight, I made breakfast, lunch, and snack for 2 days.
Tuesday, I’ll be back in the kitchen prepping the rest of the week. I am not a fan of 2/wk prep. At all! My life is busy enough without adding extra, but it has to be done. Prepping my own food means I control what goes into it, how it’s cooked, portion size…I control everything. In addition to benefiting training, I have Polycystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS), which affect among other things, insulin and hormones. As a result, I am prediabetic. Controlling my food means more stable insulin/blood sugar level throughout the day. I can’t tell you how much that helps, especially when I’m already tired. If my insulin/blood sugar level goes wonky, it’s bad news all around. I may as well just carry the sign, “I’m sorry for what I said when I was tired and my blood sugar dropped.”
There are days, weeks even, that I resent it. I want to eat and go about my week like everyone else. So much time and energy goes into meal planning and prep, I have missed time with friends. I’ve been getting better at it. The more I learn about PCOS and prediabetes, and what I can and can’t eat, the better I become at this whole thing. I just wish some time that someone could give me the perfect time sheet for my week letting me know what I should do when in order to maximize my time. OR just pay for a food service to drop off prepared meals. Yes to that idea. Noooo, that’s not how life works, at least not my life. I get to figure out what works for me, and that changes from week to week depending on what’s happening. Ugh. Not a fan.
That’s part of being a grown up though, isn’t it? Life evolves and changes, and we have to learn to adapt. When we don’t, we encounter stress and pain from living how we’d like life to be, instead of living in what is. So I’ll keep figuring out how to feed myself well, and live a connected, relatively, well rested life. On the days when my inner child is rebelling, I’ll just sing her the song, “I don’t want to grow up. I’m a Toys ‘R Us kid!” Laugh, and possibly play, which could be putting on good music to sing and dance while I’m getting everything ready. Joy and play should be a part of all of the journey, too.